The pursuit of…

I reached a new revelation about myself this weekend – that my pursuit in life had been ….. *tada* …..Stress”! Well some of u might be laughing and thinking that this was so obvious looking at the way i lived, but it really wasn’t obvious to me. I guess I was kinda blinded to my own plight.

It took me a long time to realize that I actually “welcomed” and even pursued stress. I ‘went after’ and accepted stress as it made me feel like life wasnt ‘wasted’ when i could add value by doing tasks at half the time of what others would take to do or to excel in activities deemed difficult. Sub-consciously, this was how I defined myself, by the work of my hands and the achievements lauded by the world, and I reached a point where I didn’t even recognize stress any more.

I was oblivious or rather ignored the ‘cost’ that came with such a lifestyle. Besides being an impatient and easily “stirred-up” person, the other obvious impact being the physical pains I have endured all these years.

But over the course of last week as I tried not too successfully to work from home, I started (for the first time) to be aware of the amount of pressure I put on myself. I finally realized how hard I “push” myself each day as the physical effects were so evident. There were many times when I grew frustrated with myself. Frustrated that I was taking more than double the amount of time I used to take for a similar piece of work. Frustrated that I couldn’t use the same intensity and focus as previously when working. Frustrated that I had to take breaks every hour or so. Frustrated with facing fatigue, muscle aches and new pains by the end of the day…

Frustrated with my inefficiency, frequent fatigue and muscle tension pains, I turned to God and complained to Him. God, in His gentle manner, patiently revealed the lesson I needed to learn. Meditations on His word, online sermons, and my discussions with Des, all pointed to something I never paid any notice to – peace.

It suddenly hit me this weekend that it wasn’t God’s plan for me to lead a stressful life. Nowhere in the bible can I find a story or directive that encourages stressful living. Instead, Jesus came that we may have life, joy and peace. Wherever Jesus went, He gave his peace. Pastor Bill Johnson said in one his sermons that ” Peace is the atmosphere of heaven”. But, peace was (largely) missing from my life. ‘Rest’ and ‘relax’ were not in my dictionary 😦

This truth hit my soul real HARD. My heart is now convinced to pursue peace (instead of stress) and to guard the peace that God gives. To me, God’s word really is Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (BIBLE). Going forward, may my labour be – to labour to enter His rest. I shall end by speaking to my own soul => REST. Rest in the knowledge that God loves you, be at peace that He is always in charge and His plans are the best, ok? Amen! =)